A man took to Reddit recently to ask whether he was being unreasonable with his wife. He told her she was childish when he felt like she was trying to make him choose between her and his mother. This is his full story.
Happily Married Until His Mom Was Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s
The OP and his wife are both in their late 20s. They have been together for 10 years and married for three.
They never really had any serious issues with each other until the OP’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He decided to pay for her care using his own funds because she’s broke.
He told his wife he wanted to keep her mother in her own home as long as possible.
The OP also took a new job with more responsibility to help boost his pay. But that meant he was spending less time at home and was always tired.
He Vowed To Take Care of Her
That situation raised tensions in the marriage, and the couple got into a big argument.
The OP’s wife wants him to place his mother in a Medicaid-funded nursing facility so he doesn’t have to pay for her care. And she also wants him to be more available to her, both at home and for travel and other fun.
But the OP still thinks it’s better for his mother to stay at home with a caregiver.
Both the OP and his wife work in the medical field, and they know what would happen to his mother in a nursing home. She can move around fine but gets agitated easily.
As She Took Care of Him in His Childhood
That usually spells trouble for both the staff and the patient.
The man’s wife thinks they should be enjoying their lives and creating memories instead of spending most of their money on her mother-in-law’s care.
They’re dropping $6-8k a month on medical expenses, which the OP admits is a lot.
But he believes that his mother deserves the best care he can give her because she made countless sacrifices to raise him by herself.
He Owes Everything He Is Today to Her
He owes everything he has to her. He wouldn’t be the man he is without everything she did for him.
And besides, he doesn’t think moving his mother out of her home would be any better for the couple. A private memory-care facility is more expensive than home health care, and he’d be visiting her all the time.
His wife suggested that if the man’s mother were of sound mind, she would want him to be happy and live his life. The OP doesn’t care about what might have been.
He says that his mother’s well-being is more important than their married lifestyle. There will be time for them to have fun later.
His Wife Gave Him an Ultimatum – It’s Her or Me!
Eventually, his wife gave him an ultimatum: he had to choose between her and paying for his mom’s expenses.
That floored the OP, and he told his wife that she was childish and unreasonable.
The OP reminded her that marriage is a partnership. They vowed to support each other and help lift each other up when one of them falls. Not kick them while they are down.
In the end, the OP told his wife that he was going to take care of his mother whether she liked it or not. If she felt like she had to divorce him because of it, so be it.
Should They Seek Counseling?
Many Reddit commenters agree that the wife is being unreasonable and that the man is not the asshole in this situation.
But some Redditors suggest that the man and his wife should seek counseling to work through their issues.
A few commenters suggest that the OP’s wife may be feeling neglected and that he should prioritize his marriage. They think he should try to find a compromise that works for both him and his wife.
What do you think of this story? Is the OP spending too much time and money on his mother? Or is his wife out of line for telling him to choose?
What do you think is the best way forward for this couple?
The post He Cherishes His Sick Mom, but His Wife Gives Him an Ultimatum – It’s Her or Me. What Do You Think? first appeared on The Net Worth Of.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / fizkes. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.