“Hellfire and Damnation for Food Thieves”

This is the story of how Ned devised a spicy and unforgettable plan to put an end to the mystery of his disappearing food.

A Summer Internship

Ned was a young intern on a summer research & development (R&D) internship at a food company in Keokuk, Iowa.

The company set him up with housing in a peculiar setting: a former retirement home converted into a college dorm. This dorm had individual rooms and bathrooms but one shared, commercial-sized kitchen. Ned quickly settled into his new surroundings.

Although the college was on a break, two students set up camp in the dorm, with one rarely seen and the other… well, quite the social butterfly! He spent a lot of time having friends over and throwing crazy parties.

Everyone stored their food in the communal kitchen. It seemed like common sense not to help themselves to other people’s food. 

Food Theft Annoyance

But Ned quickly discovered that not everyone adhered to this unspoken rule. Sodas vanished, cereal boxes lay empty on the shelves, and Ned’s frustration brewed.

Ned decided to take matters into his own hands. He posted a polite sign on the fridge, pleading with others not to steal his provisions. 

He also confronted both of his dorm mates about the vanishing food, hoping for an end to the mystery munching. Annoyingly, his efforts failed to deter the thief, especially when Ned was away on weekend trips.

Ned was frustrated and shared his culinary woes with his manager at work. The manager, with a mischievous glint in their eye, concocted a plan for some revenge that was as spicy as the hottest peppers.

Spicing Things Up

Ned’s job revolved around researching and developing food products. Although his current projects had nothing to do with capsaicin extracts (the compounds responsible for chili peppers’ heat), his manager suggested he order some for “research purposes.”

Well, Ned found a company offering extracts with different Scoville unit ratings (a measure of spiciness.) He received small 2-ounce bottles of capsaicin extracts rated at 50,000 (Thai chili), 100,000 (scotch bonnet), and a scorching 250,000 Scoville units – think habanero pepper!

With the 250,000 Scoville extract, Ned concocted a fiery potion. He mixed it with water to create a potent spray and, donning gloves and a mask borrowed from work, went to work doctoring common food items. He targeted the most frequently stolen items: cereal, chips, crackers, a jug of milk, and a few soda cans.

Snack Sabotage

For the snacks, he even separated some, leaving them open to dry before stealthily reintroducing them into their original packaging. Ned executed this spicy plan in a different dorm room within his wing, knowing all too well the intensity of capsaicin in enclosed spaces.

Just before embarking on another weekend getaway, Ned put his plan into action. 

Upon his return, he found that some of the chips, cereal, and milk had vanished, along with two of the three doctored soda cans! Although he never witnessed the results of his spicy retribution, there was one undeniable outcome: no more missing food for the remainder of his stay.

Hellfire and Damnation

Ned’s hope was that this unforgettable experience would be a lesson for the culprits, a spicy memory they would carry with them. Perhaps they would recall the time they dared to play with 🔥 🌶️ and think twice before snatching another’s snacks!

Thousands of Redditors loved Ned’s story of revenge. One user quipped, “Very good laugh. Hellfire and Damnation for food thieves!”

But what about you? Do you think Ned’s revenge went too far? What would you have done in his situation?

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The post “Hellfire and Damnation for Food Thieves” first appeared on The Net Worth Of.

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