Husband Wants to Reconnect With His Toxic Family: Supportive Wife Is Blamed for Strained Relationship

OP and her husband had been slowly distancing themselves from his mother and family over the years. The number of their annual visits had dwindled down to fewer than ten times a year. 

A Misplaced Resentment 

OP’s husband had disengaged from his family on his own accord, even his relationship with his father had been nonexistent before her entry into his life.

However, thanks to OP, he had managed to reconnect with his father, though his interest in visiting remained low.

Eventually, the visits ended. Now, the husband found himself wallowing in regret, falsely accusing OP of preventing him from seeing his father.

He even made grandiose plans to fly out of state to visit him “this year”, as though OP was the hindrance.

He Wanted to Reenter the Toxicity He’s Escaped

He had stealthily withdrawn from the toxicity of his family, only to turn around and blame OP. As if rejecting her was the solution to embracing his estranged family.

His mother had made deliberate efforts to alienate OP over the past two years, speaking in a foreign language to exclude her from conversations and painting her as a failure who needed to “strive”.

In reality, she was merely projecting her own shortcomings onto OP.

Her hostility peaked during Christmas when she made OP feel insignificant, making snide remarks that OP didn’t care for her son.

She Financially Exploited Her Own Son

All of this while she herself had neglected and financially exploited her own son for years.

Consequently, for the past two years, OP harbored a strong aversion towards her mother-in-law, openly expressing her disdain after each rare encounter.

Her husband initially disagreed, but later conceded to OP’s perspective.

However, he was now claiming his misery stemmed from the lack of interaction with his family. He was imploring that life shouldn’t be just about him and OP.

She Was Close With Her Own Family

The irony being that OP did have regular contact with her family, but he never wanted to accompany her.

He didn’t want to see his own family either or engage in any activity for that matter, because of his workaholic nature.

His parents, nonetheless, continued to pester and drain him.

Upon leaving his mother’s house, he would let out a sigh of relief and declare, “my family is crazy”, only to misdirect his frustration towards OP. His emotional expression was restricted, and his anger misguided.

His Mother Was a Narcissist 

OP was deeply upset and hurt as she recognized her mother-in-law’s narcissism and possible borderline personality disorder.

The woman was a waif, barely conversing with them. All she did was tell tales of her miraculous recoveries from various ailments using supplements.

She would endlessly repeat how much she “wanted to work”, but why she couldn’t. She was also dependent on her other son’s financial aid, but it was never enough.

The mother-in-law constantly painted herself as a victim, saying she had no one, while in reality, her children had become her substitute husbands.

He’d Been Immune to Her Manipulation

She was trying to rope OP’s husband into this twisted game, but luckily, he had managed to resist thus far.

Now, however, he was starting to insinuate that OP was holding him back from pursuing other things. It was as if his own family had not been the ones to estrange him.

OP did express her discomfort about the craziness she observed, but the blame seemed to be unjustly falling on her. This ordeal was perhaps more about OP’s husband than her mother-in-law.

But OP had to brace herself to interact with her mother-in-law soon since her husband desired her presence.

Anticipating a Show Down

They were about to embark on a vacation, and OP might have to confront the woman either the day before their departure or upon their return.

OP was dreading the possibility of her husband falling for his mother’s manipulative tactics. The mother had a history of financially exploiting her children, including OP’s husband.

Despite his reassurance that he wouldn’t give her money again, OP feared history might repeat itself.

The whole situation resembled a giant pity party hosted by the mother-in-law.

Therapy Is Definitely Needed!

Generally, everyone that reached out to OP said that some form of therapy or analysis was needed. No one could quite agree on what kind though. 

“It sounds like he is putting the blame on you for escaping his family. It isn’t that she is a crap mom who abused him. It is you (the person he knows loves him) keeping him from where he really doesn’t want to go.

Can you ask him how you do this? “You blame me for not seeing your parents. I don’t forbid you, I don’t force you to see mine, so how am I keeping you from them?

Am I supposed to manage your relationship with your parents? You don’t do that with mine.”

Predicting His Response

“He will likely say he knows you don’t like them, and you can reply, “I don’t. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep a relationship with them. I see my relatives without you, so why do you choose not to see yours?”

“Your husband needs therapy for dealing with his toxic mother.”

“Definitely your husband’s problem here! He is taking his family’s toxic behavior and blaming it on you rather than placing the blame where it should be.”

It Is Not Appropriate to Place Any Blame on You

“Remind him that he’s an adult who is free to go visit them whenever he likes! No one, including you, is stopping him.”

“And if he falls for her manipulation, that’s on him. He clearly knows better. I’d suggest some marriage counseling.”

“It’s not fair nor appropriate to place any of the blame or take it out on you for his family being the way they are!”

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The post Husband Wants to Reconnect With His Toxic Family: Supportive Wife Is Blamed for Strained Relationship  first appeared on The Net Worth Of.   

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Source: Reddit