Is Mom a “Bad Feminist?” – Pregnant Teen Daughter Told “HER Baby”, “HER Responsibility”

Lori, a 45-year-old widow and mother of three, found herself facing a challenging situation when her 18-year-old daughter revealed her unexpected pregnancy. Let’s take a look.

Daughter’s Unexpected Pregnancy News

Lori’s daughter, a college freshman, called her one evening over the moon with excitement. She had big news to share – she was pregnant! 

Her daughter was thrilled and told her mom she couldn’t wait to move back home to “play mom.”

She started talking about things the baby would need that Lori should buy and how Lori could watch the baby in the evenings after work so she could still go to college and “have a life.”

Honest About Her Limitations

However, this news caught Lori off guard. 

She had always emphasized the importance of her daughter finishing her education before starting a family, even providing monthly financial support for her daughter’s birth control. 

Despite this, Lori was nice and gave a supportive yet firm response.

She congratulated her daughter and expressed her love and support. However, she was open and honest about her financial limitations. 

Balancing Work, Single Parenthood, and Finances

As a widowed mother to three kids, two still in middle school, working full-time in a demanding job, Lori was barely surviving. 

Not to mention the loans she had taken out for her daughter to go to college that she was now having to pay back!

Lori’s daily life was a whirlwind of work and family responsibilities. Some weeks, she’d work over 60 hours to provide for her children. 

A Juggling Act

Finding time for her school-aged kids was already a juggling act, leaving her with precious little time for herself. 

The last time Lori left the house for something for herself and not the family was before their dad died, over eight years ago.

She hasn’t been able to see so much as a movie or visit a coffee shop since she became a widow because there’s just never any money,

Despite this, Lori offered her daughter the option to stay at home while emphasizing that the responsibility for baby care and related expenses would rest solely on her daughter’s shoulders and the baby’s father.

Baby Care Would Rest Solely on Her Daughter

Lori assured them that she would step in during emergencies but could only provide housing, food, and utilities on a regular basis.

But this wasn’t what her daughter wanted to hear.

She got upset and revealed that the baby’s father had abandoned her, leaving her with limited support. 

“So I Should Get an Abortion?”

The prospect of raising a child while pursuing her college education seemed like too much.

Frustrated and overwhelmed, her daughter asked, “So I should get an abortion?” Lori responded honestly – the choice was hers, but she 100% should factor in the costs, both time and money, before making a decision.

Her daughter hung up without a word.

The following day, Lori received a lengthy, angry text message from her daughter.

Was She a “Bad Feminist”?

 In it, her daughter accused her of being a terrible mother and a bad feminist for “forcing her into having an abortion.”

Lori was struggling with her feelings – she knew her daughter was frightened and confused, but she also knew that she quite simply couldn’t afford to raise another child.

Meanwhile, her daughter reached out to Lori’s mother and brother, sharing her side of the story. 

Emotionally and Financially Drained

They bombarded Lori with messages, but she found herself emotionally drained and unsure of how to respond. 

She had always tried to be a good mom, yet here she was, fighting with her daughter over a huge life-changing decision.

Lori thought her daughter was asking too much by asking her to devote her time and money (which she didn’t have) to essentially raising her baby for her.

“Bad Feminist”

 Without anyone to turn to, she took to Reddit to see if she was in the wrong “for being a “bad feminist” and “forcing an abortion” when I told my daughter that I would NOT be providing free childcare or enough money to maintain a household?”

Redditors expressed their views on the situation, and the consensus was that “playing mom” was FAR from an ideal scenario. 

“Playing Mom”

They pointed out that being an adult means making difficult decisions and facing the consequences of those decisions, with one Reddit user saying, “I read “play mom” and physically cringed. Babies wanting to raise babies.”

Redditors also criticized Lori’s daughter’s notion of expecting someone else, in this case, her mom, to provide for the baby without discussion or planning. 

“HER Baby”, “HER Responsibility”

One Redditor highlighted this by saying, “Tell her that feminism is not unloading responsibility, HER responsibility, onto someone else with no discussion or planning. Not expecting someone to get things for HER baby.”

The consensus on Reddit was that Silvia was not the bad guy in this situation. They praised her for being a responsible and loving mother who offered her daughter a roof over her head despite financial issues.

But what do you think? Is Lori being a “bad feminist?” What would you do in her situation?

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Source: Reddit