This woman’s relationship with her grandfather has deteriorated since she graduated from college and decided to pursue medicine in the US instead of med school in India.
She Wants to Be a Physician
After graduating from college two years ago, the relationship between the woman, a 23-year-old, and her grandfather, an 83-year-old man, began to deteriorate.
Despite having a close relationship before, their conversations now revolve solely around her career aspirations to become a physician.
The grandfather constantly asks why she hasn’t started medical school yet, and suggests she should have gone to India for faster admission.
The woman, who lives in the US, explains that the process of becoming a doctor in India is different and easier, with med school starting right after high school and only requiring an entrance exam.
In the US, it takes longer to become a doctor, as one must first complete a bachelor’s degree, take gap years to work on extracurriculars and prepare for the MCAT, and then complete a four-year medical program.
This constant criticism from her grandfather has started to take a toll on her mental health, especially when she sees her peers from college start their careers with six-figure salaries right out of school.
Despite studying hard and preparing for the MCAT, she feels she is not progressing fast enough, and is constantly reminded of her grandfather’s opinion that she should have chosen a different path.
The situation came to a head two months ago, when the woman returned from a week-long vacation for her mental health and called her grandfather to wish him a happy birthday.
He Yelled at Her
Instead of reciprocating the well-wishes, her grandfather yelled at her and berated her for not having started medical school yet and for “wasting” her time on a vacation.
He even suggested she could have already finished residency if she had gone to medical school in India instead. The woman was left feeling devastated and humiliated by the public dressing-down.
Since that conversation, she has refused to speak to her grandfather until she receives an apology or until she gets accepted into medical school.
She feels she is putting her mental health and self-worth first, but her father, who is the grandfather’s son, is angry with her for not talking to his father, whom he believes is getting old.
She Feels Conflicted
The woman feels conflicted, as she has always respected her grandparents and never made them feel less than for not fulfilling certain cultural obligations.
She wonders if she even wants to have a relationship with someone who places conditions on their interactions.
He Is Feeling His Age
One user said, “Based on what I’ve read, I think he is feeling his age. Seems like he is really stuck on this “wasting time” issue. He probably feels his time is getting short. He may worry he will not be around to see you become a doctor.”
Another wrote, “I think you distancing yourself from your grandfather is a healthy response. Your father may not like it but if your grandfather soured your relationship, that is on him.”
What do you think? Should she try to mend this relationship or stand her ground? Is her grandfather putting too much pressure on her? What would you suggest?
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Prostock-studio. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.